Perspective.

To see the world in a grain of sand,
and heaven in a wild flower,
Hold infinity in the palm of your hand
and eternity in an hour.
- William Blake

Thankful for the unseen
and the ability to see.

Imagination.

After working in multiple preschools, I've decided that three is my favorite age. Since the majority of my class consists of boys, I've found myself sitting in the middle of construction, lego, train tracks, jungles, firetrucks, super heroes, power rangers and wild animals. Of course I go on adventures with them catching bad guys or finding treasure under tables, through secret passages, and over hidden traps. Mostly what I contribute is the idea that food and sleep is necessary to continue fighting crime. That's when I throw in hygiene because superheroes have to brush their teeth before they sleep and wash their hands before they make me breakfast.

I know it's just pretend, but it doesn't mean I can't play along and have fun. Although I did find myself wondering at what age I'll stop playing under tables. Maybe when my knees break.


Long live the walls we crashed through
All the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life
Fighting dragons with you.

Creator and Created.

One of the highschoolers I tutor just finished reading "Frankenstein" by Mary Shelley. Literature books always have a way of making me dig deeper but more sad as well. I think it's because many works reveal the depravity and hopelessness of humanity.

For those who don't know the story, Victor Frankenstein is an intelligent man who creates a creature out of dead body parts. (Never a good idea.) Intending for this creature to do good for society, he instead abandons it when he sees its hideous appearance. It is interesting that the appearance itself is enough reason to abandon his dream as well. "I had desired it with an ardour that far exceeded moderation; but now that I had finished, the beauty of the dream vanished, and breathless horror and disgust filled my heart." Responsible man that he is, Victor thinks that running away will make everything better. The monster is left confused, angry, and afraid. On his own, everyone rejects the monster for his appearance. Later, the monster kills all those who are close to his creator because Victor refuses to create a companion for him. In the end, Victor dies and the monster mourns because vengeance has only increased his alienation, rather than provide peace.

One of the things I came away with is that no amount of strength, intelligence, or power will bring satisfaction. Desiring companionship and a sense of belonging, the monster is instead rejected and alone. All he wanted was a human connection; someone who understood him. I think he rightfully looked to his creator who would know him best. I'm not saying it was right for him to murder, but I understand why he would be hurt and angry by the rejection. So who is responsible for the crimes? The creator who did not provide any sense of guidance and fled or the creation who did the deeds?

Then I think about our Creator. He never left us. He knew us from the womb (Psalm 139, Jeremiah 1:4-5). He desires to lavish love upon us simply because we are his children (1 John 3:1). He wants to be our provider and meet all our needs (Matthew 6:31-33). Not only does He wait for us, He runs toward us expectantly (Luke 15:11-32). He took full responsibility for our acts, gave us mercy when we deserved justice, and still desires the best for us. True love. God is the best Creator we could ever have. In the spaces between my frailty and the heavens, you are there. Thank you God, for being You and nothing else.

Our wholeness depends on
our closeness with the Creator.

John Paul Jackson

A Note.

From one of my elderly clients:

Hello my dear Tiffany ! NEHOMA??? Thanks so much for such a nice picture, dinosaur is a crispy nice costume, especially home tailored hand made as your, I like it. Why I did not think of one like that on halloween? .... How much I missed your last class! It really broke my heart.
----
1. Sometimes I'm not sure how to feel when non-Asians say "ni how ma" to me. I've heard this multiple times mostly as a pick-up line or as a conversation starter. But I know my client is just being sweet and trying to relate. After all, how many times do I say "gracias" to the burrito man? [Sidenote: One time a guy asked me if I liked soy sauce and pointed at himself. I hurried into the bathroom and laughed out loud.]

2. Yes, I was a crispy dinosaur for Halloween. Maybe I should've dressed up as a dino nugget.

3. I wonder if it's a cultural thing, but I've noticed most of my Latino friends are very dramatic and exaggerate about the state of things. If he weren't 75, I would've been tempted to snap my fingers and say, "BOY, that did NOT break yo heart!" But it's coo. His note was very sweet and written with good intentions.

4. I wish I were wittier. What's a better response than, "No, no! It broke MY heart to not see you!"?

Hero.

One of my elderly clients has seen and done many things in his life. During a session, we started talking about the big earthquake of 1989. I was only 3 when it happened, but I remember it very clearly. I was watching Super Mario when the tv started snowing. I was upset because I liked my Italian plumbers. As things started shaking and falling, I kept trying to figure out what was wrong with the tv. That shows where my priorities are. My uncle suddenly swept me up and moved me to dining room away from falling objects.

On the other side of the bay, my client had just gotten off work and was driving home. He had entered the freeway when the bridge started collapsing. Stopping his car, he got out and tried to stop others from continuing only to plummet to their deaths. He told me that one car didn't stop and the driver fell to his death. People were angry at him because they didn't understand why he was stopping them and turning them around. They thought he was crazy.

But you know what? He was a hero. He saved them. Even more amazing is that he didn't think about his own life as cars drove toward him at freeway speed. He thought about others. So what is a hero? A hero is someone who is selfless and willing to sacrifice himself for the good of others. I told him he was a hero that day and thanked him for what he did on behalf of those I did not know.

It's kind of cool I got to talk to a hero. It's kind of cool that he is teaching me things and I him. And that anyone can be a hero. You can be a hero and do what's right. Still, being a hero is usually a thankless job with no glory involved. In a way, the choices we make to help others or to help ourselves determines what we want to be.

[It is only because we were made in His image that we could even have this quality in humanity. It is only because of His grace that we can try again each day. Hmmm...]