What-Ifs.

What if...

the chance for you to go to another country came up?
But you had to leave tomorrow.

Last night, one of my friends invited me to go to England with him for a week. I completely trust him. I know he'd take good care of me. We'd be visiting an mutual friend and staying with his family. They'd show us around for a week and then I'd be back. I checked my class schedule. Doable to miss 2 classes. No serious assignments due. We checked airline tickets. We found one for $850, which is VERY cheap for a round-trip to and from England. The one thing I really needed was my passport, which I had on hand. PERFECT.

If I had my parents' permission, this would be the craziest thing I've ever done. Getting on a plane the next day and leaving the country for a week. I'm crazy.

I'm 22 years old. Technically, I don't need my parents' permission. I wanted their permission, though, because I respect them. I respect them and I want to be honest with them. One of my greatest fears is that I won't tell the people I love "I love you" before I die. So in the back of my mind, I do think, "What if I never see them again?" I can't go out on a dirty conscious. My parents, of course, said no. They said they really couldn't stop me, but if I were asking them for their opinion-- No.

Why tomorrow? Why not later?

How could I explain to them that

• I've always wanted to go to England. Just last week, I was sitting in class. Not paying attention. And thinking, "That does it, I'm going this summer."
• I just need to get away. I need a mental break from all the transitions that have happened. I moved back home. Then moved again. I started school. I'm looking for a new community. I've lost and gained relationships. I'm looking for who I am! All in one month.
• The circumstances, at least from my point of view, worked out. Place to stay, locals to show around, friends so I wouldn't travel by myself.
• Sometimes, you have to be a little crazy to LIVE.
  

Most of it went unsaid. And you know what my prayer is? That I would be content with where the Lord has placed me. That I would be content with what may seem-- the mundane things in life. That I would see His greater purpose for my life.

A couple months ago, I took up the mission to be faithful and to do the right thing. Now, I'm seeing how hard it is to do the right thing all the time. My mom said that if I hadn't told them and just left and came back, she would've been fine. But since I had asked, they had to say no. Which is what any good parent would do. I'm thankful they just laughed at me. I'm pretty sure they laughed at me before they went to bed last night. "Our crazy daughter."

But really, I'm learning how hard but courageous it is to do the right thing and to be faithful. I'm a dreamer. So, even though I'll be thinking that I could've been on a plane to England in class today (which really sucks), this has only made me more determined to fulfill those dreams. I refuse to live with "what-ifs", because that's no way to live.

For now, I'll settle for lunch with my friend before he flies. And 3 hours of lecture. I will see England one day. Then the world.

"Wait on the Lord;
be of good courage,
and He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!"
[Psalm 27:14]