Secure.

I sat there in my concert seat, observing others in the audience as my brother played Ravel's "Mother Goose". My eye landed on a brunette little boy. He was doing his best to sit still, trying to appreciate the music just like his father beside him. I was impressed by his maturity, being 5 or 6 years old, because it's hard to sit through a 2-hour concert.

His father, seeing his son's efforts, understood. He signaled for his son to crawl onto his lap and wrapped his arms around him. Safe in his father's arms, the little boy fell asleep. Safe in our Father's arms, we are secure. The father kissed his son's head. He is loved. Do you know there is such security in being loved so perfectly?

Quote of the day: "Delighting yourself in the Lord is an all-consuming, day-by-day quest to bring all of our desires into that one great desire, so that he does satisfy."-- John Piper

Life and Death.

Three years ago, I worked with a 2-year old who was struck suddenly with seizures. I saw him each week until he turned 3, because that's when the State mandates the switch to the public school system.

The daily seizures never stopped and I saw how tired his parents grew. I think about what it must be like to be those parents. To stay by the child's side throughout the night because you never knew when it would happen. To have tried to look for a cure or any possible relief and to find none. How it feels to see the child, once full of so much life, regress in his abilities and be muted because of constant medications and restrictive diets.

The memory of him and the patient, sacrificial love of his parents has never left me. When I found out how he was doing today, I got light-headed and had to lay down. As a 2.5-year old, he could label animals and colors. Today, he cannot talk at all. He was a child who loved running and sliding. Now he cannot move without a walker. He cannot dress, bathe, or feed himself.

When I worked with him, I'd be exhausted after an hour because he was one of those kids that would not sit. But if I knew that he wouldn't be able to run much longer, I would have run all the more with him. Life is short and we get blindsided by false comforts.

It is not natural for your child to pass before the parent, which is why I think I am mourning for the family knowing this possibility. Before one is a parent, one has hopes and dreams for what their child will become. With all this happening, I realize a parent really just wants the fullest life possible for their child.

I thank God they have a younger child and I pray he lives a natural life. I pray he brings them joy and love and hope. I wait for that day when God will come again and wipe away all tears. "He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelation 21:4) Come soon.

We need thee,
we need thee,
we need thee every hour.

Small Things.

Last Tuesday was a day where everything that could go wrong did. This Tuesday was a complete 180!

• One of my autistic kids drew me a "Get Well Soon" card. He can't write too well so his para helped him write, but he drew a picture of me and him together. :)
• One of the moms walked over to Starbucks and got me hot chocolate. So considerate!
• The kid who could not stop complaining the week before... stopped! Horray!
• Spoke with a mom who was relieved we could communicate in Chinese about her son's progress. She told me he really liked me and was so happy when I let him pick a prize for his birthday. :)
• Crazy progress with a kid who could not say his "v" at all 2 weeks ago. He couldn't even tell the difference between the "b" and "v" sound. Now he's at 90%. What?! Connecting the dots fo reals!
• Finally helping the kid who stutters with the concept of pausing and chillin' on a lily pad. Yeee.
  
• Teachers are actually asking me to check their students out. They trust my professional opinion??????????????
  

It's the small things that matter, but whether I have the worst Tuesday or the best Tuesday, God is still good and sovereign. Thank you Jesus!

Random: My school pictures going downhill every year made me happy when I graduated senior year because I was DONE with them forever! Boy was I wrong. I got my school photos back but as a "teacher" this time. Who wants a 2x3 photo of yours truly on a bad hair day?!?

I Love You.

Today, I went to a child development center to assess one of the kid's speech/language development. As I was walking there, harried after getting lost, a group of six preschoolers walked past me. They were not in a straight line, but in their own disarrayed order which was oddly comforting for a person who tends to like order and efficiency. Maybe it was because they were connected by hand holding and goofy smiles. Anyway, as I was walking past, one of the little boys looked me in the eye and yelled, "I love you!". You know what happened next? All the little kids started yelling that.

"I love you!"

"I love you!"

"I love you!"

And just like that, all the frustration from the morning's traffic and lostliness and being an adult melted away. Later in the shower, where I have my deepest thoughts, I doubted the significance. They don't really love me. They don't know me. But the amazing thing about children is that they can! Those kids probably don't really love me, but they are quite capable of loving without a care to who you are, how much you make, or what you look like. So you know what is even better? When someone loves you despite all your faults or inadequacies to meet the world's standard.

Jesus loves me,
this I know.

What Would You Die For?

Today I attended my first baseball game of the season. I'm not a die hard fan, but it was fun to clap along and sing for the 7th inning stretch. I also saw people heckling others, almost getting into fights, and getting drunk. People were so open about something they loved and would go to any bounds to cheer for their home team.

But what would you die for? After coming home, my uncle called me immediately to the living room to hear a news report. Just a few hours earlier, a Texas Ranger fan fell to his death after trying to catch a baseball. The sad thing is that even after he dropped and was bleeding severely, he called out to the fans to make sure his young son was taken care of.

I wonder-- if he knew what would happen if he caught that ball, would he have done it? Was it worth it to lose your life? To leave behind your son and family? This man probably tried to catch the ball for his son, but oh-- it wasn't worth it. I wish I could have changed things. Instead, I am left knowing I need to be careful with what I am passionate about. What would I die for?

25.

25 Things I want to do sometime in no particular order.

1. Water flowers and make a bouquet for someone.
2. Work in the back of a bakery and knead some dough while surrounded by warm, comforting scents.
3. Build a sandcastle and get dirty.✓
4. Make sure everyone I love knows it.
   
5. No grudges! (✓ so far)
   
6. Read in a hammock.
   
7. Grow herbs and use them! Thyme and basil and rosemary, oh my! ✓
8. Donate things I don't need. ✓
9. Visit baby brother in college and wander around his beautiful campus. ✓
10. See my grandparents more.
11. A crazy hat party with my girlfriends. ✓
12. Help someone feel beautiful. ✓
13. Give generously.
14. Pray persistently.
15. Take a dance class and have fun!
16. Learn how to work the sewing machine.
17. Cook more dinners.✓
18. Give thanks. ✓
19. Be wise with my money.
20. Be wise with my time.
    
21. Write snail mail. ✓
22. Skydive. ✓
23. Work in an orphanage. ✓
24. Run a 10k. ✓
25. Enjoy being 25 :). ✓

Oaks of Righteousness.

I'm here in New York to visit and encourage friends and family. One of the things I've noticed is that there are more beggars or entertainers going about the subway. They'll be on the platform balancing sticks or walking through the subways cars with a guitar and song. I've also noticed people are more willing to give money. There's still the rich and the poor, but the bigger dichotomy seems to be between those who give and those who don't. From my observations, those who give appear to understand where these people are coming from. The non-givers try really hard to avoid even seeing these beggars. I'll see them avert their gaze or become very involved in their ipods or newspapers. Seeing all three parties brings me to a crossroad where I must decide if I want to see and what to do with what I see.

While waiting for the subway today, I saw a young man around my age begging. He had lost both arms in an accident (so the sign that hung around his neck said). The sight was sickly and my brother couldn't even stomach it. I saw others turning away. It's a double whammy to be a disabled beggar in a foreign country and I sit here fighting tears because I cannot even fathom what life would be like without arms. How do you open doors or put on clothes? How can he help others if he cannot help himself? I put all the cash I had in his backpack (it was just a dollar sadly) and he spoke back in Spanish. I couldn't understand any of it, but I knew it wasn't a simple thank you. And if I were not leaving for another place with my brother, I would have liked to invite him for a meal or something.

As I entered the train thinking about him and the sorrow in his eye, I looked around and saw people with ipods in their ears. Music could be a form of brainwashing I think. But sometimes, we just gotta unplug everything, be still, and look around us at what's happening in the real world. As easy as it would be to just ignore everything and not feel sadness or the pain of compassion, I hope to never forget him.

Today made me more eager for the second coming and for restoration. Today made me thankful for what I have. Today helped me understand just a little bit more what the Bible means in Isaiah 61.

[61:1] The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to bring good news to the poor;

he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim liberty to the captives,

and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;

[2] to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor,

and the day of vengeance of our God;

to comfort all who mourn;

[3] to grant to those who mourn in Zion—

to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,

the oil of gladness instead of mourning,

the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;

that they may be called oaks of righteousness,

the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified.

(Isaiah 61:1-3 ESV)

Let us see and act appropriately, that we may be called oaks of righteousness--grand, fruitful, lasting-- so that God is gloried.

Purpose.

What we are called to do.

A to Z.

Repost by Bo: A-Z list of qualities to look for in a spouse and to be. After reading through these, I am humbled because I am lacking in so many areas! I know my heart and God knows it even more. Thank you for grace and forgiveness, the process of sanctification, and the pursuit of holiness.

----

If you're a woman dating someone or considering it, ask yourself, "Is he...":

• A -- Accountable
• B -- a Believer
• C -- Courageous
• D -- Discerning
• E -- an Example for other, younger men
• F -- Faithful
• G -- Gentle, Generous
• H -- Husbandlike
• I -- an Initiator
• J -- Just
• K -- Kind
• L -- a Leader
• M -- Masculine
• N -- Noble
• O -- Obedient to God
• P -- able to Provide
• Q -- Quick-witted
• R -- Resourceful
• S -- a Sage
• T -- Trustworthy
• U -- Under Authority
• V -- Vigorous
• W -- a good Worker
• X -- eXcellent in his efforts
• Y -- Yearning for God
• Z -- Zealous for righteousness

For the men, is she...

• A -- Aware; of the big picture, of the world around her
• B -- a Believer
• C -- open to having Children
• D -- Dignified
• E -- Excellent in her pursuits
• F -- Full of Faith
• G -- Gracious
• H -- Honorable
• I -- Inventive
• J -- Just
• K -- Kind
• L -- Loving
• M -- Modest
• N -- Noble
• O -- Obedient to the authority in her life
• P -- Pure
• Q -- capable of being Quiet
• R -- Resourceful
• S -- Skilled, Stable
• T -- Trustworthy
• U -- Under Authority
• V -- Victorious
• W -- a Worshipper
• X -- an eXample to others
• Y -- Yearning for God
• Z -- full of Zoe "life of God"

Dream Come True.

You know what would be my dream come true?

If I met Chauncey Billups during a random stroll in Central Park. ♥
(Then, I'll tell him I respect both him and his dad's game and then ask him if he likes hot dogs.)

My silly dream come true.

But A Beggar.

Growing up in a traditional Asian home, my parents didn't paint a pretty picture of beggars. If I was bad, they would threaten to throw me out into the streets for the beggars to get me. As a 5-year old, I had no concept of what a beggar was but how they spoke of them made me think they were monsters. Dirty monsters that people looked upon with disdain. As I grew older and got to see them on the streets myself, little changed. My parents also yelled at me for giving them money saying that all of them would follow me around begging for more. I was too compassionate. Even now, I am conflicted when I see beggars because I want to help but I've been drilled not to. What's right? What's wrong? What's safe?

I've been reading through John slowly, ever so slowly, and it paints a different picture of beggars. The people are still the same-- they look upon them with disdain. But Jesus. He doesn't. In John 9, it talks about the healing of a man born blind, not in vain, but to give God the glory when he is healed. Nothing is in vain if it gives God glory (v.3). He was born blind and the only way he can make a living or survive when his parents cannot take him in anymore is to beg. And now here are some interesting things.

When the blind beggar could not go about, he sat; if we cannot work for God, we must sit still quietly for him. When he could not work, he begged. Matthew Henry says that we must never be ashamed to beg. There is nothing for man to be ashamed of except his sin.

Why this man? Why was he chosen?

(1.) The common beggar was generally known by the community around him who saw him day in and day out. His healing would attest even more the truth of Jesus being the Son of God as well as His compassion. The community who had known him for so long would also testify that this was the same man who was born blind against the Jews who wanted to prove otherwise (v.10, 13, 18).

(2.) Healing this man spoke of Christ's compassion. He healed those most wrought by poverty and misery, not by their riches or dignity. It is easier to save those who know their need for salvation than for those who believe they are find without it.

So now, does this change your view of beggars? Of Christ?

Thankfulness of the day: That He uses the weak to show He is strong.

10 Ways to Love.

1. Listen without interrupting. (Proverbs 18)
2. Speak without accusing. (James 1:19)
3. Give without sparing. (Proverbs 21:26)
4. Pray without ceasing. (Colossians 1:9)
5. Answer without arguing. (Proverbs 17:1)
6. Share without pretending. (Ephesians 4:15)
7. Enjoy without complaint. (Philippians 2:14)
8. Trust without wavering. (Corinthians 13:7)
9. Forgive without punishing. (Colossians 3:13)
10. Promise without forgetting. (Proverbs 13:12)

Thankfulness of the Day: The ability to love because He first loved us.

Lady Bugs.

Rising cortisol levels due to increasing stress rates are giving me a headache at the library. But

1. A cute old man is sitting across from me and reading the paper. Looking at him makes me smile.
2. When washing my hands in the bathroom, a little girl ran up to me and told me she found a lady bug. I told her she was really lucky because lady bugs are lucky! (It's true!)
3. The sun is shining.

Perspective: God is good no matter what I feel, think, or do.

Random Tangent: The quality of toilet paper reveals a lot about the establishment. When soft, plush toilet paper is provided, it says that the establishment cares enough to think of others rather than penny pinching. Also, the way a bathroom is constructed makes a huge difference on cleanliness. More on this later. I wonder if they have bathroom consultants because I could be one. Squirrel!

Prayer.

I started tutoring kids at my k-12th school when I was in 9th grade. Ever since then, I've been working with kids. The first batch were the ones who unknowingly showed me what I was created for because it was so easy, natural, and satisfying. How could I not know and love these children? With any life, there is both joy and sorrow. With children, there were obstacles to overcome, triumph in accomplishment, and sometimes unexpected or painful goodbyes. Through all of this, I've learned that I rather have compassion than a callused heart and that I can always pray. One well-worn prayer is that God would watch over these kids, past and present, and lead them to know Him so that I can see them when I go to heaven. Then I'll ask them how hard math really was or if they ever got better at fooseball.

What a joy it was, then, to see and hear of one kid who I first met when I was 14. (Are we 14 when we're in 9th grade? I'm bad at math and too lazy to calculate. This makes for a bad tutor.) Even then I worried about him and how he'd do. Today, I found out he attending my alma mater, going to my old fellowship, and growing a lot spiritually.

One prayer.
One blessing.
Thank you God for letting me see fruit a decade later.

Rejoice always.
Pray unceasingly.
Give thanks in all circumstances.
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18a