If I could be any animal, I would be a bird so that I could fly.
If I were an element, I would choose the wind.
I would soar and dance in circles around and through the eddies. Travel to and fro throughout the lands. In underground caves and over open seas. Perhaps that's why it's been hard for me to stay put. With that, though, is the concept that I was not made for this place. C.S. Lewis said, "If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." I recognize I was not made for here and, inside, I sense a longing for something MORE. The challenge now is to stay here and be faithful with what God has allotted to me.
Since I cannot fly, I will use what I have and run. Running gets the things that I cannot express out of me. The funny thing is, I'm not even good at it. I just do it because I need to get out.
And on the path I run. I run on a lone path with only the sky as its roof. Under the worn overpass, around the golden trees. Boom, boom, boom. The pound of my footsteps woven with the beat of my heart. The beat. The pace. The trees. The open expanse of sky. The cold air bites my skin, but the sun warms my face. Boom, boom, boom. And in those moments, I am just me and everything is what it is. Things are simple, things just are. And it is so easy to see the roundness of the earth in the sky. How small I am, how great God is. Who am I, Lord, that you should care to know my name? I am not made for here. But while I am here, since I cannot fly, I will run. Because when I run, I remember who I am and who He is.
November 24, 2008
November 23, 2008
Daddy.
My father can be a man of many words, but not around us. I think children grow up with a need to hear words of love and praise from their parents. For first-generation Asian families, however, these are not often heard. In turn, the lack of verbal approval has affected our relationship with and perception of our father.
This weekend, God has pleasantly opened my eyes to the little ways my father shows me love. Without telling me, my dad cleaned my car windows and pumped my tires for me. It really touches me to think of my father willingly doing these things for my safety, but also for love. He loves me so that he does not need to tell me. It's not for praise or adoration, but really just because he wants to. And so, I think about what a man is like when he is unseen or unnoticed. What does he do when he is by himself? What is in his heart and in his mind? Are those things worthy and do they reveal a heart of integrity?
And I wonder, am I showing my father love in a way that he can perceive it?
This weekend, God has pleasantly opened my eyes to the little ways my father shows me love. Without telling me, my dad cleaned my car windows and pumped my tires for me. It really touches me to think of my father willingly doing these things for my safety, but also for love. He loves me so that he does not need to tell me. It's not for praise or adoration, but really just because he wants to. And so, I think about what a man is like when he is unseen or unnoticed. What does he do when he is by himself? What is in his heart and in his mind? Are those things worthy and do they reveal a heart of integrity?
And I wonder, am I showing my father love in a way that he can perceive it?
Teach my soul to pray.
November 17, 2008
November 10, 2008
Acceptance and Cookies.
Ever since I started grad school, I've been living with my relatives. At first it was pretty hard because no matter how nice they were, I always felt like I didn't quite belong. Didn't exactly fit in. I still didn't want to be in the way. As a result, moving to SF felt much like high school all over again. Come home, do homework, try to help out in any way possible. But tonight, my uncle came in and gave me gold. The garage door opener. It may seem trivial, but it was almost like they were saying it was ok if I stayed here for a long time. Acceptance in the form of a garage door opener. Sweet.
Borders is better than B&N any day of the week. The kids' section has a spaceship and planet pattern whereas B&N has a dull, bergundy rug. Also, Borders arrangement of furniture and books somehow make it seem spacier and brighter. There's just room to breathe. Not to mention, the restrooms are also cleaner. But TODAY was wonderful. I went to buy a cookie to eat while I read and the lady put it in this adorable Christmas bag (christmas stuff out already?!). She also gave me hot water in the largest size. Yes, I am a horrible customer. I always ask for water and I stay hours on end to finish books there instead of purchasing them. Does the fact that I buy lots of cookies offer some sort of redemption? Probably not.
A book entitled, "You Are What You Eat", made me chuckle. If this is true, I am sweet and fatty so watch out. But I also thought, I rather be sweet and fatty than a celery stick. If you were a celery, you'd just be weird tasting and rectangular. So based on what you eat, what are you?
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Borders is better than B&N any day of the week. The kids' section has a spaceship and planet pattern whereas B&N has a dull, bergundy rug. Also, Borders arrangement of furniture and books somehow make it seem spacier and brighter. There's just room to breathe. Not to mention, the restrooms are also cleaner. But TODAY was wonderful. I went to buy a cookie to eat while I read and the lady put it in this adorable Christmas bag (christmas stuff out already?!). She also gave me hot water in the largest size. Yes, I am a horrible customer. I always ask for water and I stay hours on end to finish books there instead of purchasing them. Does the fact that I buy lots of cookies offer some sort of redemption? Probably not.
A book entitled, "You Are What You Eat", made me chuckle. If this is true, I am sweet and fatty so watch out. But I also thought, I rather be sweet and fatty than a celery stick. If you were a celery, you'd just be weird tasting and rectangular. So based on what you eat, what are you?
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