Sacrifice.

It's been a long time since I've written on this blog. I don't even know why, but life just got busy. Since I last wrote, we've been blessed with a baby girl. She's what I think is the epitome of a girl. She's sweet and will win you over with her smile, but she's complicated and has been much harder to figure out than our son. She's got some fire in her and will be vocal with what she wants. She reminds me of me and I told my husband the other day that I pray for her future husband because he is gonna have to be patient with this one! He just smiled because he knows.

Her last feeding at night is usually when I have time to sit and be still. We keep things dark and quiet so it's a better environment to reflect than my day feedings. During the day feedings, CJ likes to be wherever we are so he's usually building bridges and slides, jumping on the bed, and creating some amazing imaginary world. Little A loves watching him. Anyway, today I was doing her night feed and reflecting. I decided I wanted to write here again to document things in case my children would ever want to look back and see what I thought of at the time.

Parenthood is sacrifice. Everyone knows this but to live through it is something else. It is a sacrifice of your body, your sleep, your independence, your social life, your ability to serve at the capacity you served before. I thought I was tired with one. No. That was not tired. We had it easy! Parenthood is late nights, middle of the nights, early mornings tired. I miss having the time to myself and having time to connect with my husband. A good reminder of quality over quantity. My independence? It's shattered with juggling three schedules and learning how to roll with it. I miss being able to spend hours just reading the Bible and journaling. I miss serving in all the areas I'm passionate about. But you know what?

Every morning, CJ runs into my room looking for me. He'll say something and fogginess I usually miss it and respond with, "Huh? Ok. Want to sleep?" But on the days I catch it, I know he's running in to tell me the most important things on his heart. Some days it's about his trucks or toys. Other days it's about how he is sad he didn't say goodbye to daddy before he left for work. And still other days it's about how he peed or pooed. Kids are funny. But this is so special to me because he desires to tell me these things and I hope he'll always want to tell me whatever he's thinking or whatever is on his heart, no matter how trivial or grand it may be.

And every morning when I hear little A wake up in her crib, she gives me (and anyone else) the biggest smile that welcomes me. She grabs a finger, she'll hold on to my sleeve.

One of my favorite moments is when we read together and I have both children in my lap or around me. CJ will point and talk about many things in the book and pictures and little A will listen and soak. Let me hold them while they can still be held and want to be held.

These are the moments that make the sacrifice worth it. Small, significant moments. Praise God for these little souls. "Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 19:13-14)  Let that roll around in your mind and sit. For to such belongs the kingdom of heaven.